what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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