bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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