My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
