somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize