I hate all girls vehemently.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
