i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
