So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
