she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
not ubering you a puppy
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
