Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
