He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
