I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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