her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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