five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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