I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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