This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
