i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
