Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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