Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
