Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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