All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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