Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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