So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
