dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize