I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
