Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
