dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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