piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
