You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
