hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
