She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
