dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
