you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
