I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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