Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
