I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
