I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
