i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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