and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am naked and annoyed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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