Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
