last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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