her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
