Screwed.edu
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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