Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
