so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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