I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
