Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
