I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
