So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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