from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Did I show you my penis last night?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
