Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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