Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
