My first STD was from a foam party
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
