sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
