You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
