; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
