I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
