you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
