i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
