when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
