How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
