the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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