I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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