What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
