She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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