i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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