I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
