I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
