I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
