after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
