I think I am morally bankrupt
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
