I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
