I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
