I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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