This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
