Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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