Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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